It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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