So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize