I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
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Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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