i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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