Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?" http://tfl.nu/0wwp
  Replies (20) Good night (6960) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now http://tfl.nu/4n6q
  Replies (13) Good night (1425) Bad night (2142)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave http://tfl.nu/0ff9
  Replies (10) Good night (2912) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia http://tfl.nu/20or
  Replies (5) Good night (4853) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (578): View more from

  You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (578): You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide" http://tfl.nu/y8fp
  Replies (6) Good night (3052) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do. http://tfl.nu/rr6r
  Replies (20) Good night (1220) Bad night (2145)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me http://tfl.nu/ulvi
  Replies (5) Good night (843) Bad night (1667)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet. http://tfl.nu/ancz
  Replies (10) Good night (4078) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy. http://tfl.nu/d7gm
  Replies (3) Good night (523) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment. http://tfl.nu/k4e4
  Replies (4) Good night (527) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it. http://tfl.nu/jpqq
  Replies (4) Good night (827) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/angx
  Replies (1) Good night (842) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home http://tfl.nu/qybd
  Replies (5) Good night (549) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal http://tfl.nu/045y
  Replies (1) Good night (796) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada (1-604): PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES http://tfl.nu/q2yd
  Replies (1) Good night (675) Bad night (190)

Randomize