I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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