Texts From Last Night

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  (353): View more from

  i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash

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  (353): i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash http://tfl.nu/bafg
  Replies (22) Good night (5781) Bad night (818)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......

  (817): View more from Texas

  told ya

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  (214): apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back...... (817): told ya http://tfl.nu/csea
  Replies (13) Good night (2759) Bad night (760)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you

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  (978): There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you http://tfl.nu/oh5b
  Replies (10) Good night (4622) Bad night (588)
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  (710): View more from

  Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!

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  (710): Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?! http://tfl.nu/2llb
  Replies (12) Good night (682) Bad night (4603)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building

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  (262): remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building http://tfl.nu/3ctj
  Replies (2) Good night (3759) Bad night (773)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.

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  (716): Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time. http://tfl.nu/ytyv
  Replies (79) Good night (7533) Bad night (1547)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

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  (985): The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH http://tfl.nu/8euf
  Replies (39) Good night (4269) Bad night (725)
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  (646): View more from New York

  You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.

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  (646): You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward. http://tfl.nu/aqj7
  Replies (15) Good night (7823) Bad night (1366)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…

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  (443): Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix… http://tfl.nu/f2fy
  Replies (3) Good night (2201) Bad night (898)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose

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  (305): what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose http://tfl.nu/99kl
  Replies (9) Good night (1501) Bad night (4118)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.

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  (816): And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog. http://tfl.nu/zv3p
  Replies (10) Good night (3286) Bad night (1842)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested

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  (914): Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested http://tfl.nu/5edf
  Replies (4) Good night (1898) Bad night (696)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.

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  (819): I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis. http://tfl.nu/mdgl
  Replies (2) Good night (498) Bad night (575)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.

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  (252): You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/kiqx
  Replies (3) Good night (613) Bad night (337)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you

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  (615): well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you http://tfl.nu/f9wz
  Replies (1) Good night (315) Bad night (482)

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