woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.