five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.