oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
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she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fill condoms, not promises.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.