I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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