Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
