So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
