just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
