new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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