he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
