I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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