i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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