it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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