It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
