I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
