I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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