if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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