I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
