I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
