saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
MIDGETS
????
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
