How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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