How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
false alarm. still invincible.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
