Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
