I like my sex mixed with concussions.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
