she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
