Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
