She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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