You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i already hear my dad disowning me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
