What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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