we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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