Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
