just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
