Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
