He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
