my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
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Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean