Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize