He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
