Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
