We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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