Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
