I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
