she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
