So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
