Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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