even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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