If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
only if we run a train.
done.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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