I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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