My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
