i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
