woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
