Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
FUCK WHALES
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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