God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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