My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
