Me too!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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