I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
