i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
