just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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