This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
