I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
