i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
